Perplexed.

How does one lose...

A fricken tax refund check?  You know the nice juicy check that has already been earmarked for things like repainting of the boat bottom? Hurricane Impact glass windows?  Nothing fun or fancy, just earmarked for all things boring, adult, and mind numbingly normal.  I have been sitting on hold with the IRS for now more than 25 minutes listening to horrid renditions of say the Nutcracker Suite?  Sweet Jesus it is almost March!  Oh wait, it just changed to a little Vivaldi.  I just love the telephone crackle of interrupted blasting orchestra movements.  Please challenge my sensibilities just a tad!  Oh, she just came back.  I now have a fax number to the IRS and new time period of six weeks to wait for a refund check from 2006!  Woooo Hoooo!  Way to stay on top of things!  Actually he is doing pretty good being this caught up.  I think our accountant charges him a special handling fee.  For being a pain in the arse.  You know kind of like Baxter gets charged a special handling fee when he gets groomed because he tries to bite the shit out of everybody?  Yeah, along the lines of the same thing.  OK, back to Jillian kick my butt Michaels workout.  My arms still can't extend to normal lengths due to muscle atrophy from ripping of biceps.  That's right, RIPPING the muscle only to temporarily heal so I can RIP them again.  OK, more later.  Cheers.

Five years ago...

February 2003, Valentines week, on vacation in Arizona, this image was waiting for me in my email.  This picture was attatched to a long awaited referral.  This picture is a picture of a baby that would forever change my life in just a moments notice.  This picture is a baby boy who was supposed to be a baby girl and was the biggest surprise of my life.  The baby in this picture is my son.  At six months this was one of two pictures that I would stare at several times daily until I got to see him for the first time four months later.  I can't believe my baby, this boy, has been a part of my life now for 5 years.  It is by far one of the best gifts God could have ever given me.  His intense little eyebrows still make me giggle and I still think he looks the same.  Just a bigger version.  So I guess when he is old and bald he will look much like this only wrinklier. 

It has been of crazy month.  If all goes well I will have two closings this month.  I am beyond thrilled, but I need a little break.  I also scrapped for the K2 challenge and forgot to take a picture of it.  Nice.  So far this year I have completed 6, count em' 6 layouts!   Woooooo Hooooooo!  Ask me how much money I have spent in supplies!  A lot more than six lay outs worth!  Need to get in gear.  But, the diet has been much more positive this week, and I actually worked out.  Not a marathon by any stretch of the imagination but skin tight spandex and a horrid sweat band made me feel inspired.  That's right motivated.  That and the fact that my wonderful, incredible, who is in the house yo yo yo my sista Cindy called and announced she was taking my fat ass to Hawaii!  That's right! HAWAII!  I am pretty jazzed up about this bit of good news and I am so excited that she asked me to go with her.  There are definitely some perks to having a overzealous, multi-talented, focused, driven, successful, and beautiful little sister who is able to forgive big sisters who tormented them growing up.  Well, actually we tormented each other.  She was my mothers favorite and well, I guess that segment would be appropriate for another Oprah moment, or better yet,  Dr.Phil.  I am excited to spend time with my sister RELAXING, by the pool with a cabana boy fetching me beverages whilst I sit basking in the sun with a wide brimmed hat...It will be fun and I am psyched, and motivated.  So here is to Five Years and Blessings!

Cheers.

DO OVER!

Have you ever yelled "Do Over!"  Well, I am frickin' yelling "DO OVER!".  I was doing well, eating not the best but, definitely working out and Whamo!  I get a couple of clients and all my plans turn to crap so I decide to blow the week of effort and pig out like a glutton.  Nice.  Yeah, I know.  Real nice.  So, I am going back to basics and I am gonna try harder this time.  I am positive and I am strong.  And, I just had to buy a pair of new shorts because my stomach makes me look pregant (and I don't think I missed out on much not carrying my son in my belly if the first stages looked like this!) and my old ones do not even fit.  I am disgusted with myself.  And yes, I realize that is a strong word but I am.

So to answer you question, why do I blog, I really don't know.  I have actually thought about already packing it in as it is just another thing on my to do list.  I am cautious on my blog because there is a part of me that is like Crap!  I know these people commenting!  Maybe they will think I am weird and insecure and at times too brazen.  Maybe they think totally different from me and will hold it against me.  I think I started this blog as an outlet.  AN outlet to write my stuff down and get it out of my brain.  A place to say yippee, look how my cute kid is, and I am vacationing here this time of year.  I really should start a diary but, my hand will get a cramp and at least I can password encrypt my blog if I please.  Maybe I blog so I can be held accountable?  Maybe I blog for the free psychological insight?  Who knows!  Maybe I just thought I would give it a try. 

To add onto my self depreciating bandwagon, I will also admit that I forgot a major birthday this year.  I truly am pretty upset about it and I do not have an excuse that will make up for it.  Hell, I don't even have a good enough gift to make up for it.  I made the belated phone call and the only good thing about it was that my dad does forgive.  It was his 60th birthday and I had even with it written in my daytimer, I still forgot to call.  Even my less responsible brother called to say Happy Birthday.  My girlfriend Julie, mentioned her birthday last night and even though it is written down I was still like Thank God she just said something.  I am the crappiest rememberer of important events.  Is that even a word?  Rememberer?  Anyway, I will try to be a little bit more positive, not so much Debbie Downer, but Charlene, NO you cannot have my old shorts.  I will, I VOW to fit into them.  And soon.  How in hell do people get anorexic?  Not to be ugly about a real disease but damn, I must have missed the will power gene somewhere.  Oh well.  More later.  I just had to look up a recipe for boiled eggs.  No laughing.    

Bad blogger already?

So, where have I been?  Up to my eyeballs in crud.  Well, maybe not that bad.  Working. Working is good.  Working throws my schedule off, but it is good and I feel like a contributor.  Not that I am not always a contributor, but in a monetary sense.  I admire women who work all day and then come home and work again.  I am just thankful, so thankful that my house is clean today!  Maybe I will make it to the grocery store today?  So many errands to run, and today is a short day.  Why Catholic school makes every first Friday of the month a short day is beyond me.  Then I feel like bad mommy because I will probably keep him in aftercare today just so I can get some errands run!  OK, enough about the boring to do list in my life.  I personally don't want to read about myself droning on about the mundane. 

So, having said that I was wondering about blogging in general.  It is very interesting to me, especially some of the blogs I frequent on a daily basis, the purpose of some blogs.  I find myself really attracted to the ones that show personal angst in the most colorful non scripted way.  I like reading about perspective because sometimes it is just some funny shit.  I like Reading about ones trials and tribulations because it makes it feel real.  I am drawn to read how that person looks at something and it is just funny.  Take Dooce for instance.  This is a woman who by her own account struggles with depression and anxiety.  She blogs about EVERYTHING.  From her meds to her sex life with her husband, to her daughter who just befuddles her.  Her view point and incredible writing keep me coming back for more because she makes me laugh.  Another favorite?  Good ol' Cathy Z.  She's got some funny stuff as well.  Now, she does not blog about her sex life, but she does blog about the everyday mundane and makes it funny.  Readable, laughable, stitch in your side funny, funny stuff.  So, I don't know my purpose for blogging.  I certainly am not sharing this blog with my mother.  I am not a scrapbooker who posts her work, (last LO was the K2 challenge baby!) I don't even have a journey to share.  So, I will ponder this and have another cup of joe.  Cheers.